Hi, the template is nice - everything is in order except for the proficiencies. In order to have an active Byakugan (50m range) you would need to have one slot for the dormant, one slot for the active use of it. This means you'd either need to remove the lightning release, or the active use of the kekkai genkai/byakugan, and put [dormant] next to Hyuga AND be all rookie proficiency.
Option 1. Begin with taijutsu, shurikenjutsu*, stealth, and two additional proficiencies all at rookie level
In Rising Spirit, we want to make it known that actions have consequences. To say that we take the phrase "do it in character" has weight, and that real choices create lasting change. Villages do still exist as safe zones (non-death enabled) - outside the village is dangerous (death enabled) and events and missions are most certainly going to be dangerous.
The true purpose of this guide is to outline the danger of power scaling between ranks. To put it shortly: Genin on this site are akin to Team 7 from the Zabuza arc in that had it not been for Kakashi himself, they would have all been slaughtered in their first fight by his swordsmanship.
Jōnin are dangerous, capable of wiping out lots of Genin and even Chūnin without too much difficulty in their chosen arts.
A Journeyman proficiency is a "peak human condition/Olympian" level, half way up the proficiency list, where this is generally the starting level of Genin on other roleplay sites. An apprentice proficiency would only accomplish as much of a 'Lion Combo' and be as physically fit thereabouts as a trained military combatant or devoted hobbyists and their knowledge of that subject.
A Master proficiency is still only as powerful generally to produce combat effects to the size of a city block that are still intensely draining to those 'Masters', which even then have been toned down on Rising Spirit.
We want people to focus on stories and not for accolades between role-players and their characters; a fight can be used to demonstrate narrative as equally well as it is to have legitimate friction for narrative, but we want that friction to be located in character and not out of character. The government mandated death refund renewal system was created expressly for this reason, and we hope you put it to good use.
Hi again, thanks for considering Rising Spirit. Henceforth, my review:
If your character is young, they should have a face claim that is at least proportionate to what they look like. Now, we'd consider adult-based FCs for younger characters provided it is reasonable (i.e. Akatsuki from Log Horizon, Tatsumaki from One Punch Man. Ashe from League of Legends is a Woman and looks like a Woman: and would not pass as being 12 in any aspect. With that in mind, I'd like you to change the FC to someone younger or change the age to match.
Now, on to your history - it's absolutely fine, I would ask if you could add another paragraph for her history/upbringing but this is not mandatory.
In terms of the abilities and proficiencies, I see what you're trying to do, which is to have the shurikenjutsu (for example) then show the specialism, but this will need to be condensed. As a KKG (bloodline) the Uchiha's dormant sharingan will take up two proficiencies, so you need to remove the 'Sharingan' and put [Dormant] next to the Uchiha Heritage.
Next, you'll need to also combine the Shurikenjutsu and Kyujutsu into one area. It could look like this: Shurikenjutsu (Kyujutsu) [Rookie] as well as making every one of the profiencies 'Rookie' to get two proficiency slots.
Similarly, because you only get two proficiency slots and they're both being used for the Uchiha Bloodline - you'll also need to remove the Fire Release.
I wonder what caused Tsubaki to forgo everything to get this contract!
The only thing I'd like to see changed is the description of the Suiton: because as of right now, Suiton users still require water sources:
"Even at a middling level, suiton users need a water source, with more advanced users finding ways to store it or even create it" [x] this could be circumvented by having or carrying around water with you or sticking close to areas with water sources - but otherwise the parts about not needing water can be added in at a later proficiency.
Thanks for giving us a chance! Don't go around annoying this Genin.
If I have understood correctly for a Genin you're going with Option 2* - the only thing you can sub out is the Shurikenjutsu (which you have, with Kusari-jutsu), but the other things can't be substituted, so you'd need to replace the Raiton with Taijutsu again or go for opt 3 instead which allows you to have that but one additional proficiency, at lower levels instead.
* Option 2. Begin with taijutsu, shurikenjutsu*, stealth, and one additional proficiency. One proficiency at apprentice level and the others at rookie.
I thought I'd do the second reply as it would give you a fresh notification:
- In the title, strange as we are are doing first name last name, instead of the other way around.
- In relation to your heritage, the Sharingan is the active use of something, and the heritage is the dormant use. To get a KKG you have to have a dormant release before the active one can be used: and dormant/KKGs utilise two proficiencies to begin with as they're an investment which means you'll need to separate the Sharingan/Uchiha Heritage, and then choose between having the Sharingan initially or the Shape Manipulation as well.
- The shape manipulation is fine the way you have it now, thanks for those edits if you choose to keep them.
You are welcome to message me on discord for more active updates/conversation about this.
Pending - love the signature and the narrative history, however I'm I'm just conducting a chat as to whether the chakra enhanced strength-esque dyanmite punch falls under shape transformation. Everything else is fine as is, but please hold!
Hailing originally from the Hidden Rain Village - technological advancements met applications of chakra when the clan emerged several decades ago. Usually perceived by having an eye of a kaleidoscope style that varies from person to person. The clan originated from assassins and subterfuge of the highest order. Their kind primarily got wiped out as not being of a well known reputation - and have not been able to have the political manifest in order to continue their bloodline, forcing them to branch out among the nations in hopes that they can then one day revitalise and unify together as one clan once more.
Kekkai Genkai
House of Mirrors Requirements: Dormant slot, active slot
'House of Mirrors' is a dojutsu which allows the user to manifest a reflective surface from traditionally non-reflective surfaces, that only they can make out. To other people, it is a haze of opaque reflection (which can still see blurs) and to those with chakra sensory abilities, solid sheets of chakra. A more experienced user of the Dojutsu can then also manifest additional reflections from the reflections they can see, turning a house, as you can imagine, into a house of mirrors. This allows an experienced user a unparalleled access to intelligence not otherwise offered. They can create small reflections which can offer a user insight to a great inside area while remaining inconspicious - or turn their environment into a haze of different reflective surfaces which can disorient and delude enemies.
