[attr="class","APP3"] The Kaguya stood there stunned for a moment as she was more confused than anything as to why Erika was being so polite to her. Akira was never really used to anyone greeting her beyond the usual challenge for a fight, or the leer of unease if people knew what she was capable of. "Would I liked to train... with you?", Akira asked in a tone that made her surprise obvious. "I don't mind at all, but it's not something I'm used to.", the Kaguya female added as she brushed some rogue strands of hair out of her face, and then bowed formally in greeting. "Akira Sonozaki, of the clan Kaguya."
Her greeting was rigid and formal, but it seemed like the years of growing up and being raised to be a weapon for the Village had left her social skills stunted. Then there was the fact that most found her kekkai-genkai rather creepy and macabre. Akira wondered if Erika knew of her clan and the rare genetic ability around her bones. 'If she knew, would she be so nice to me? Maybe she's scared and just being polite? Hnnn... One way to find out.', she thought for a moment as she paused in her greeting and seemed to analyze the smaller girl.
Akira then motioned to the dummy she was using and then showed Erika the motions she was working on. Wing-Chun was the foundation for a number of different martial arts in the taijutsu branch. "This dummy lets you work on strikes and counters to the points of a person's centers of balance. If you can do the drills correctly, it will help develop your technique so that when you get into actual combat, you can down an opponent in as few strikes as possible.", the white haired girl explained. "You take a person off their feet, and normally, the advantage goes to you in a fight." She then demonstrated the motions again, her hands moving fluidly around the pegs as she performed a number of strikes on it slowly. Only true masters could go quickly, and if you messed up your technique, the dummy was quick to punish you for it with the pegs also acting as a point of counter-attack. "You try it.", Akira offered as she stood back and motioned to Erika to give it a shot.
I suppose the only thing that really sticks out like a sore thumb is the definition of a "post".
What constitutes a post? While there's no required word count, which is fine sort of [Different opinion for a different topic], a person writes 3-5 paragraphs a post vs the 1 paragraph poster is at a disadvantage just for writing quality over quantity. I feel like without a spelled out definition of a post, and provisions made to reward quality posting over just posting rapidly and with shorter (potentially substance lacking) posts is going to simply undermine any real system for character advancement one has.
While I applaud the move to transparent guides and expectations. For how much effort is needed into advancement, without the aforementioned, the requirements for each upgrade simply seem like way too much and progression is going to be simply stunted. Not only for the quality writers, but it's going to leave everyone with a 'less is more' mentality as people rush out sub-par writing in the name of "getting stronger".
The third point is I feel like the numbers per upgrade are a bit too intense. I know the object is to keep this sort of like a Season 1 Naruto type power-level, but the +5 increase per upgrade is a bit unwarranted. I'd suggest lowering it to +1 or 2, as +5 is just going to make things too much in the long run. A lot of us are adults with real lives, full-time jobs, and this is a hobby. If a system does not feel rewarding, people are not going to stick around long-term and player growth/retention is going to be a major problem as a result.
[attr="class","APP3"] Akira felt the presence of somebody approaching as she did her breathing and gathered her chakra. Taijutsu was just as much a spiritual exercise as it was a physical when it came to being a ninja. Sure, it required a person to be physically fit and rock an appropriate level of stamina to use routinely, but to achieve the truly incredible was going to take the mind and body working in a synchronous effort. The white haired girl then looked over to Erika and turned to face her, though she made no move immediately in the way one would expect. Akira then offered a formal bow of greeting after a moment of passing regard, before speaking. "Are you here to train, or are you here to challenge me to a fight?", she questioned sternly. "Either way, whatever your reason for standing there is... Might make this day a little less boring. Option number one is okay, but I won't say 'no' or back down if your intent is to challenge me.", Akira added.
The Kaguya clan branch member was often regarded as aloof, distant, and cold. It was usually just a misunderstanding, as with all of the selective breeding and rigorous training to be nothing short of a star example to bring glory and honor to her family had left Akira with some socio-apathetic tendencies. That, and Kaguya were known for being rather quick to the draw when the possibility of a fight or sparring match might offer them a chance to display their martial skill. Regardless of the reason for her demeanor, be it a sense of bloated superiority or simply not putting much effort into her social veneer, it was clear that she was not being malicious to the newcomer. It was just Akira being raw and unpolished in her social skills. She was a trained fighter and displayed an impressive amount of talent for being able to utilize the kekkai-genkai of the Dead Bone Pulse, and that she could do it at such a young age was even scarier as to what it alluded to about her potential.
[attr="class","APP3"]It was just like any old day in the Village Hidden in the Mist, well, at least from the perspective of a lone Kaguya who had recently graduated the ranks of an Academy Student into a recognized member of the Genin class. Still, being a graduate did not mean the training stopped. No, she still had a long way to go if she was ever to live up to the hopes and expectations placed on Akira by her family. With her bloodline limit ability, it was not just her family that expected much of her, but the Village at large. If Mist was to up it's economic status, it was going to need strong warriors like Akira to step up and assist in it's goals.
Despite being graduated from the Academy, Akira found herself back in the training fields behind it, mostly because it was the only place she knew of that had dummies for her to practice her Taijutsu on. The young Kaguya tied her headband around her neck and narrowed her eyes at the wing-chun dummy she was going to practice on for the day. She had been assigned a platoon, but had yet to meet with a superior, but that did not make her exempt in her mind from getting ready and staying ready for when one appeared.
"No day like today. Yesterday is already come and gone. Tomorrow is not a guarantee.", Akira said to herself after completing a series of warm-up exercises and stretches. It was her nin-do, or ninja way. It was something her father always told her growing up, and now it was part of her core beliefs. Besides, if anyone were anyone, this would likely be the first place they'd check when looking for her if she were needed. Now, with her resolve grounded and her body loosened up for the training ahead, it was time to get started on her development with a little bit of self-learning.
The movements of the art of wing chun were fluid and graceful, unlike Akira's usual method of fighting, but it was the Jeet Kune Do -like method of fighting that the Sonozaki family used. So, it was out of honor for those who placed their hopes and faith in her that the young Kaguya began to slowly work on her forms. Her hands and forearms rolled off of the wooden pegs slowly as she focused not so much on speed, but technique. There was the belief that the fluid motions and counter-striking power of the taijutsu style would work in tandem with the Dead Bone Pulse, and that is why it was so important to Akira to move beyond her basic street fighting method and into the more refined art of hand to hand combat.
After a few rounds of the basic formations and stances, Akira took a step back from the dummy she was working with and breathed out, slowing her pulse and conserving her energy. The day was young, and if she intended to make any progress while waiting for somebody with some skill to teach her, she was going to have to get a grasp of the fundamentals through hard work in order to save time. That, and she was looking to be impressive. 'I was born special, and it is time to be special. I am worthy.', she thought to herself as she calmed her energy and prepared herself to continue training.
Hi there! Things look good, the only thing that I'd like you to do are the following-
Add an unranked proficiency called "Kaguya Heritage". You don't have to describe it again, it is just there for book keeping purposes to show that you spent a slot on it.
Remove the bolded "strength enhancement". You can keep the text underneath it in your taijutsu description because it is an acceptable description of the benefits that the kekkei genkai is having towards taijutsu. "Strength Enhancement" is its own proficiency but because it costs two slots to use kaguya (the heritage and the kekkei genkai) you wouldn't be able to start with it. The good news is that you aren't losing anything and you'll be able to get that later and it will stack.
You can reply to this message after modifying for a second look!
Growing up with high expectations placed on one's shoulders from age birth was never the easy life. Especially not in the family of the Sonozaki branch of the Kaguya Clan, as martial prowess and becoming an asset to the Village was a high priority. It did not matter that she was the first daughter born to parents who had already had two sons, as her hair was snow white. This was a sign of possession of the Kaguya's feared Kekkai-Genkai; The Dead Bone Pulse. It was due to this apptitude to be a fine warrior in the ranks of Kirigakure that she was enrolled in the Academy at the young age of five years old.
As Akira matured, she graduated the Kirigakure Academy with average marks in a variety of fields, exception to genjutsu. Genjutsu was regarded as a coward's art among her clan, and her upbringing had lead her to only handle the essentials for graduation. She had been practicing something far more advanced, even for most Genin, and that was the development of her wicked bloodline limit. Such aptitude, even among those born with the the Dead Bone Pulse, was rarely demonstrated at such a young age. With this 'credential', and her family's blessing, the young Kaguya entered service to the Hidden Mist Village as a Genin at the age of thirteen years old.
Proficiencies
Taijutsu [Rookie]
A student of hand-to-hand combat, Akira is frequent to use this as her main source of offense. Being a member of the Kaguya clan, it is her pride to be able to beat down her targets with her fists. At current, her style could be seen as rough and unrefined, akin to a back alley brawler. Her style revolves mostly around punches, using her legs to keep her footing sturdy and manueverability as a priority. Some might even notice that she uses her agility paired with her bone density of her bloodline to throw heavy blows. This use of her bone-structure and her kekkai-genkai has given her slightly enhanced strength over the average fighter of her level.
Shurikenjutsu [Rookie]
Akira demonstrates the basic proficiency in thrown weapons. Being one who prefers to be up close and personal to her targets, it is considered a supplementary skill-set when melee combat becomes a non-option. Tools she is capable of deploying are Kunai, Shuriken, and Smoke Bombs. Her accuracy can be called into question in comparison to those more skilled in the line. Given enough time to study her target, and occasionally repetition, she can hit her mark.
Stealth [Rookie]
Akira learned the basics of stealth in the Academy as part of the requirements for graduation. While she would prefer to fight her target head on, she can pad the soles of her feet with chakra to soften her steps. She is also capable of sticking to the shadows, and basic ambush tactics. Her instructors noted that she could use more improvement, but was able to perform basic camoflague jutsu enough to the point were she was passed.
Bone Manipulation [Rookie] Akira can manipulate her bones via the Dead Bone Pulse kekkai-genkai of the Kaguya clan. Having awoken her genetic talent through constant training and natural talent, she can sprout 'thorns' from her knuckles to augment her taijutsu with a puncturing surprise. She can also defensively sprout bones from a single point on her body at a time to intercept physical attacks as a means of blocking. Actual growth and removal of bones into weapons independent of her form is not something she has achieved of yet.
